When the Devil Dies the Demons Linger on…

butterfly let go

A few days ago my mom sent me a message saying “he passed away”… Since I read that sentence I’ve been in a physically fully functioning emotional coma… I’m going through the motions of life… Working, socialising, going through the daily requirements… but inside..? Inside I’m frozen… I’m dead… I just don’t know how to react…

You see… “he” is the devil who stole my childhood… who, for 6 years, from 3 – 9 years of age, abused me, terrorized me, and threatened my family if I were to say anything… So, I never did… My wings were clipped and I just carried the weight of guilt and shame with me well into my 30s…

Burdon

Until I read that sentence “he passed away” I honestly thought I had dealt with it, I thought I had moved on, I truly thought I had healed… And now, here I sit… feeling like I am a little kid again… lost and scared… Add on angry and full of regret…

On some level I wish I had confronted him, my demon, yelled at him for taking away my innocence… for filling me with shame filled self loathing, which in turn led me to 15ish years of self destruction… drugs, promiscuity, suicide attempts… and yet, what good would that do? He wouldn’t have cared… if he apologised… would that make me feel better? Would it, in fact, heal me, give me closure? Probably not, his smirk, his arrogance, it most likely would have killed me…

So, I guess I have a lot more work to do than I had thought… a lot more healing, a lot more coping… I need to find a way to allow forgiveness into my heart… a way to forgive myself and to forgive him… I can’t keep dragging this boulder of hatred around with me… I am better than that… better, stronger, smarter, more beautiful… I just need to allow my wings to be set free…

 

free butterfly

What if, for just one day, the entire world was kind?

What if, for just one day, the entire human race decided to not to gossip? How would this affect our world? Not one peep about ‘so and so in the copy room with so and so’, or ‘oh my God, did you see what so and so was wearing yesterday?’ no rumours, and even go as far as ignoring Hollywood gossip, leaving those celebs alone for 24 hours… no National Enquirer, no TMZ, no Perez, not even Entertainment Tonight! Don’t discuss the latest fashions, hook ups, divorces, deaths, suicides, pregnancies…

 “Entertainment news keeps you up to date

on the withering of your soul.”

Tom Papa

What would happen to society if we went ‘dark’ on gossip for one day, 24 wee little hours? What would happen to those we leave alone and for goodness sake… what on earth would we talk about?

To be completely honest, I don’t rightly know… I can tell you what I hope we would talk about…

I would hope we would talk about what is truly important, our lives, our brethren, what’s happening in this world and what can we do to make it better? Starvation, war, and atrocities against humanity… we are ALL responsible for the actions taken against the world and we have to be the voice to stop it.

But also, as above, what would happen to those we leave alone? Rumours and gossip are the oldest form of bullying, and while the old adage “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me” is thrown around so easily, words hurt… they make hearts bleed and leave scars so deep, so long lasting, and most times so invisible to others that we rarely see the damage until it’s too late.

Perhaps if we left Celebs alone, didn’t pick on them, didn’t worry about what the gossip mags and channels and websites say about them, simply focus on the art they produce, maybe, just maybe we’d still have the brilliant beings such as Whitney Houston, Amy Winehouse, Chris Farley, River Phoenix, Kurt Cobain, Janis Joplin, John Belusihi, Michael Jackson, … and the list goes on, and on, and on…

And what if we stopped bullying people in our own lives? What if we taught our children to stand up for those who need help, who aren’t able to speak up for themselves, taught them compassion, understanding, doing what’s right… what would happen then? Maybe these beautiful souls and countless others would still be with us…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=38JuIicgmKM

I urge you to think before you speak and act and make the right choice…