“They’re Real and They’re Spectacular” Until you go shopping for a dress!

Today I went shopping for a new dress to wear to the awards gala in Atlantic City this weekend… It’s the first time in a couple of years I’ve gone shopping for something fancy schmancy…

 I left my home with the highest of expectations… I mean, in the past 8 or 9 months  I’ve lost well over 45 pounds and am like 8 dress sizes smaller than I was, so I figured I could hit H&M or Suzy Shier, find one of the sexy dresses I see in their ads and actually fit into them! I mean, my intended budget was $45.00, and as my plus sized gal pals can attest to, that’s insanely unrealistic in plus sized stores…

So I went to Dufferin Mall… walked right passed Cinnabon, (a victory all on is own) and into H&M I go… I found a few dresses I liked I held up their ‘large’ size, and quite frankly it wouldn’t even cover one of my nipples! So, a tad disappointed, but not yet defeated, I went into Suzy Shier, and they were having a sale, ALL DRESSES $30.00!!!!!!!!!! I was even more determined to buy one there as it was under budget! I picked up 5 dresses, went into the change room, and again, my chest, my DDD chest, beat me down into a puddle of shame, a quivering mass of depression, and an informal decision to walk straight to Cinnabon and feed my depression as I’ve done my entire life…

I thanked the lady who helped me, and left… close to tears, wondering how, after all my hard work I still don’t #$^#*$ fit into a ‘regular’ sized dress… then it dawned on me, slowly, (thankfully before I got back to Cinnabon) that while the dresses didn’t fit over my chest, they DID fit everywhere else… HOLY CRAP! They fit my ribs, my waist, my hips, my ass!!!!

So this realisation is a big deal for me, all my hard work IS paying off! But what to do? I still need to shop in a plus sized store to appease my giant breasts… So I went to a plus sized store, Addition Elle… I tried on 4 dresses, all of which fit over the girls, and I fell in love with one of them… I felt like twirling around and dancing like a Disney Princess in this fantastically beautiful dress… and I felt beautiful… So what if I, because of my ‘girls’, have to keep shopping in plus sized stores, (other than the fact the prices are at least double, another topic for another blog entry), I felt gorgeous, sexy, and happy, with me, my body and my boobs… My boobs are part of who I am, who I’ve been for over 30 years, (read “My nickname in grade 4 was ‘Tit Wiggle’” for insight into that tale), I love them, they, in some way, define me, who I’ve become and who I want to be…

So life is good, I have an awesome dress, I went $60.00 over budget, and I am quite ok with that! I just won’t eat during the month of May!

p.s. I’ll update this entry with a photo once I wear the dress this weekend.


You’re Going to Make it… Cornilius “SEE” Flowers

Sometimes life just bestows you with gifts you never thought possible! Somehow, Cornilius “SEE” Flowers stumbled upon my blog and he sent me the link for his poem below… Please watch it, it breathes life into his words, and it will breathe life into your soul…




Several years ago there was this show on TLC entitled “The Messengers”, it was a spoken word/inspirational speakers competition… There was this one contestant named ‘Cornelius “See” Flowers’, and week after week he would bring me to tears… Even if you offered me a million bucks cash I couldn’t name one other contestant on that show… but I never forgot him… There was one week in particular that stood out, his speech was called “You’re going to make it”… It touched me so deeply I typed out the words and when I feel the need for inspiration I read and re-read it… I can hear his voice in my head… I wish I could find the video of him, his poise, his compassion, his strength and his faith ooooooooooooze out of him and it’s so uplifting… for now, his words will have to do…

Struggle means: to progress with difficulty.
You know what that means? It means that you’re going to make it.

And I don’t even know what you’re going through.
And I’m not even going to tell you that I understand.

But if you’ll accept this suggestion as it be. From experience, take it from me.
Your struggle – it’s all part of his plan.

And you are going to make it.

Setbacks are just set forth to strengthen your spirit and character.
If you ever obtain the wisdom that you have already been blessed with…
You’ll see. You had to be messed with.

In order to be able to look someone else in the face, eye to eye, and say:
You are going to make it.

He who has begun a great work in you, shall complete it; until the day of Christ.
What that means: God is in you. Every day of your life.

Just making sure that you’re going to make it.

And in the pit of your stomach, you know it. So put that mask away and show it.
And let the world see it. Because if you want it, you can be it.

You just have to take it.
Tell God that you want it, and tell yourself that you can make it.

And don’t rely on your family and friends for foundation.

More than likely they’re just waiting to see if you’re serious or not.
Or if what you say is really what you’ve got.

And don’t get mad at them for not believing in your dreams.
And then not spend time convincing them with your pleads.
You just pray to God that they have the courage to follow your lead.

And if they still reject you, dust off your feet and your shoulders, and he’ll eject you.
Because sometimes you have to remove yourself; and then they’ll respect you.

But you are going to make it. Regardless.

As long as you start each job at the end.
What I mean: see it done, before you begin.

Money? It’s already there.
Health? Baby, you are already healed.
Faith? You have not, because you ask not.
Family? He who has created you, is more than you’ve got. And all that you need.

You just have to believe… that you’ll struggle, but…
You are going to make it!

Cornelius “SEE” Flowers

ॐ Peace ॐ


Recently one of my very best friends in the world did something she vowed 14 years ago (and kept vowing for 14 years) she would never do… She got a tattoo! Now, to those of you who don’t know Tracey, a.k.a. my Bestest, this may not seem like such a big deal, but to those of you who do know her you know she mustered up every bit of bravery, every ounce of courage and every drop of strength she could to overcome such a huge fear, to stand in the face of her proverbial enemy and with dogged determination say “DAMMIT INK ME!”

‘Now’, you ask, ‘why did she do it? What’s the point of her facing that fear, which in all essence could have been easily avoided with no consequences?’ She did it for L♥VE, the purest of all L♥VES, a Mother’s L♥VE… She got her daughter’s name tattooed on her leg to immortalize the loving, kind and fun relationship she has with her beautiful daughter Kayleigh.

“There are two basic motivating forces: fear and love. When we are afraid, we pull back from life. When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance. We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections. If we cannot love ourselves, we cannot fully open to our ability to love others or our potential to create. Evolution and all hopes for a better world rest in the fearlessness and open-hearted vision of people who embrace life.” John Lennon

This got me thinking, if my bestest can face one of her biggest fears in the name of L♥VE, is there nothing we, as a world-community, can’t achieve with L♥VE?

It takes just one person to make a difference, to stand up for what’s right, to give a voice to the voiceless and give hope to those in need. It’s up to us, the L♥VE WARRIORS to make the right choices, to be scared to death and act anyway, all in the name of L♥VE!

“In the absence of love, we began slowly but surely to fall apart.” Marianne Williamson

I’ve done some really stupid things in the name of L♥VE and I don’t regret a single one. Sure, I’ve been hurt, physically, emotionally; my body has been injured and my heart has been broken, but in the end I know I did the right thing and wouldn’t change it for anything.

There are so many appalling things happening in the world today that I find myself weeping tears of utter saddness, horror, empathy, compassion and yes, fear. But I can no longer stand by and watch it happen. I am going to scream my thoughts, my views, my feelings and emotions from the roof tops, I am going to fight to right things that are wrong, and make a difference!

“Be the change you want to see in the world.” Mahatma Gandhi

It’s time for a call to arms my fellow L♥VE WARRIORS… it’s time to change the world, and we, as a small group, can do it!

“I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.” Frank Herbert



“Laughter is the tonic, the relief, the surcease for pain.” Charlie Chaplin

Over the past 48 hours 2 people asked me almost the exact same question,

“How do you stay so optimistic?”

The first person I just laughed off, and said it’s all the sex, drugs and rock and roll in my life…. But the second came from someone I deeply respect and admire, and I hope she doesn’t mind me mentioning her name, Rauni Whitely… Rauni and I worked together at en Ville, what seems like a million years ago… she was one of the only two people who took the time to help me when I started there… she was patient, sooooooooo knowledgable, and one of the funniest people I have ever encountered…  I really do miss the laughter, it got me through some of the most difficult years of my life…

So, Rauni, in answer to your question… I have no frickin’ clue hahaha!!!! Seriously, I don’t know, because I really don’t feel that I am… but having it pointed out to me is making me think…

When I am down, depressed, sad, angry, mad, hurt, etc… (which is more often that I kinda wanna admit!) I try to just not share it with the world… To me, thoughts have energy and that energy spreads like wildfire… I believe presenting myself as the person I want to be will help me along in becoming that person…. basically, keeping the negative to myself, keeps the negative to a minimum… (at least that’s my theory).

I cry, a lot, I get angry in the car, soooooooo angry, swearing like a trucker (or a chef lol).

“Try as much as possible to be wholly alive, with all your might, and when you laugh, laugh like hell and when you get angry, get good and angry. Try to be alive. You will be dead soon enough.”  William Saroyan 
If you read my last blog, you probably have an idea of what 80% of my life was like… it wasn’t until after my marriage ended did I make the decision that I was going to do whatever it took to make the next chapter of my life my own…  to be the one who makes my choices, who can be assertive, protective, compassionate, caring, loving for myself… it’s something I have always done for others, and never for myself… I lost almost 40 years of my life, and intend to make the next 40 all about being happy and trying to spread it wherever I go…

So there I was, all determined and no clue what the heck to do with myself 🙂

I embraced my faith even tighter than before, I allowed myself to feel whatever the hell I wanted to feel, I began to try and look at my life as if I were watching a movie, and I was the star! I saw the mistakes I was making, the hurt I was imposing upon myself, the patters, the habits, the kind of things I would smack any friend of mine upside their head for doing to themself… Then when I recognized all that negativity, I started to see the beauty I had been ignoring … my life is beautiful, sooooooo filled with laughter, joy, beauty, love, family, friends… Good Lord, my cat makes me laugh out loud 5 times a day… I somehow took it all for granted, or never let it ‘really’ into my heart…

So I started challenging myself to find beauty wherever I am, regardless of my mood or situation, I was going to find something to smile at… And then a month later, I had an intense experience and wrote about it “From Road Rage to Road Trip… Lalita was issued a throw down!”

Since then it has become easier to let go of the hurt, the pain, the memories… and I am doing everything I can to rid myself of the toxic situations I seem to keep landing in… (ok putting myself in)… I am doing better, and better with each day that passes, but patterns are hard to break…

Optimism is defined by dictionary.com, as:

1. a disposition or tendency to look on the  more favorable side of events or conditions and to expect the most favorable outcome.

2.the belief that good ultimately predominates over evil in the world.

3.the belief that goodness pervades reality.

4. the doctrine that the existing world is the best of all possible worlds.

Spelled out like that, it sounds pretty easy eh? Hahaha!

“Optimism is the opium of the masses.
Pessimism is the pesticide of society.” – Ken Muslimvoic

My only answer, that  I know to be true is, I try to laugh a lot…

“An optimist laughs to forget, a pessimist forgets to laugh.” Anon

Mostly at myself… 

“The person who knows how to laugh at himself will never cease to be amused.”  Shirley MacLaine 

That’s all I gots on this topic!!! And just in time too, Big Bang Theory is about to start and that’s a big source of the laughter that fills me 🙂