My Goals for the Near and Far Future…

Add more music to my life…

Learn to play the Guitar…

Play my flute… (get my flute back from my brother lol!)

Sing and dance… In the car, in the shower, in the stores, SING my heart out and DANCE my ass off!

“Music in the soul can be heard by the universe.” Lao Tzu

Paint…

Write…

Laugh more…

Cry more…

“Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand.” Mark Twain

Spend more time with friends…

Spend time alone…

Listen more…

Interrupt less…

“So when you are listening to somebody, completely, attentively, then you are listening not only to the words, but also to the feeling of what is being conveyed, to the whole of it, not part of it.” Jiddu Krishnamurti  

Work smarter…

Work better…

Stop bitching…

Start doing….

Take action…

Worry less….

Vision more…

 Fight for what’s right… on more than just Facebook…

“Stand up for what you believe in even if it means standing alone” Unknown

Smile more…

Be more kind…

Love more…

Love more…

Love more…

Love more…

Love more…

…Love…

“A loving heart is the beginning of all knowledge.” Thomas Carlyle

Boys are Dumb… Let’s Throw Rocks at Them!!!

Boys are Dumb… Let’s Throw Rocks at Them!!! 

A friend of mine had the saying above on a T-shirt with an angry little cartoon-ish girl getting ready to toss a rock… this saying has stuck with me for years and years… On the surface it’s a cute shirt, but looking deeper, it’s 50% a true statement! Boys ARE dumb… I wouldn’t go as far as throwing rocks at them, but a good shake now and then wouldn’t hurt…

It’s taken me 40 years, several relationships and one marriage to come to the conclusion that boys are dumb! It’s not their fault, it’s their wiring… It’s not like they don’t want to be smart, their brains just don’t work the same as ours do…

Boys see things as black and white, I recently got an email from an old friend who said “I walk through life a lot with “man eyes”, where football or sports are the only things that make absolute sense”… This was in response to us going over the past and it was my point of view versus his… Basically I was saying sooooo much with very few words and he was just hearing the words and not seeing the meaning I was hiding inside those few words.

“Silence is a girl’s loudest cry.”  Unknown

This is advice about ALL men, not just boyfriends or husbands, but colleagues, bosses, employees, friends, brothers and fathers too…

My brother is the single most evolved male on this planet, to the point he spells woman with a Y, womyn…! But he’s still thick as a brick sometimes.

This got me thinking, boys are dumb! And it’s up to us, women, to help them on their journey. We need to stop expecting, to stop assuming, to stop playing games, to stop insinuating and start being clear. If he asks you, “what’s wrong?”  our usual reply would be a flat “Nothing, I’m fine” and expect him to read into that, to think, ‘nope, something’s wrong, I better look back on the past few days and come up with the reason’… because he’s just going to hear “Nothing, I’m fine” and is going to walk away, relieved, and carry on with his day. When we are asked “What’s wrong?” we NEED to be specific, to tell him what is bothering us in the clearest most simple terms possible. If he knows something is wrong he will move heaven and earth to make it better…

“When a girl says ‘don’t worry about it’, you’d better worry about it.”  Unknown

Some of the best advice I ever received was from one of my uncles, Nosher Uncle, or Nasia, in India, granted he was telling me this because I, as a Canadian girl with English as my first language, spoke way too fast for him, and he wanted me to slow down… but it really does apply here… and it comes from… yep, you guessed it… A BOY! He said “Speak S-L-O-W-L-Y, Clearly and Distinctly” and the ‘distinctly’ was always pronounced ever so, ummm… distincTly!

It’s not that these boys don’t WANT to help, to understand, to ‘get it’, their brains just don’t function like ours do… He did ask you what’s wrong because he genuinely does care, he felt something was up and took the time to ask… if you leave it open and unclear, or expect him to read your mind when your words are quoting a separate book, well then mi’lady, it’s your fault and not his!

Hmmmm… Now that I’ve read this through I’ve come to the realization that honestly… IT’S US GIRLS THAT ARE REALLY DUMB!!!!!

Boys, I promise to try harder from now on…  

 

My Nickname in Grade 4 was “TIT WIGGLE”

I know that may sound funny to you, but just stop and imagine it… a 9 year old little girl with a chest size larger than most grown women… a C Cup… a freakin’ C Cup! Boys would touch me, grab me, pinch me… Girls would chant Tit Wiggle, Tit Wiggle… I remember going home to my mom one day after months of this nickname being spitted at me daily, crying and saying, “Mom, I am tired of being called Tit Wiggle, please help me!” I think this statement hurt her as much as it did me… In her eyes and heart I was her baby, her 9 year old baby, and she didn’t realise what was in front of her… a child in a woman’s body…

So, before I knew it we were in her car on our way to Sears to buy me a bra! Sadly no training bra for me… I jumped right into the regular bras, I still remember it, it was peach in colour and satin. Very pretty, as age appropriate as a 9 year old in a bra can be and above all, it was very sturdy… in this bra my Tits no longer Wiggled!

This nickname was the first of many that followed as I have been over weight pretty much my entire life… I lived with names such as:

  • Butterball
  • Fatty
  • Wide load
  • Fat ass
  • Lard ass
  • And so many more…

I remember at my junior prom, grade 9, nobody asked me to dance, all my friends had been asked except me… then the very last song a boy I had known pretty much all my life, we lived on the same street, his mom used to baby sit me and my brother, asked me to dance… Inside I was jumping for joy, I was elated, I felt so pretty, and for a few brief moments I forgot I was fat, and forgot how ugly I felt… But… there’s always a but J half way through the song he took his arms and made a big space around my waste while he and his friends laughed at me. I ran out of the gym crying and never went back in.

I had great friends, they did what they could, but they themselves were kids… But they never did abandon me, I am forever grateful for that. I had one in particular, Melanie, who was by my side from the time we were 2 until we left high school, even though I moved away for 3 years we were still the best of friends and when I moved back we picked up right where we left off.

“If all my friends were to jump off a bridge, I wouldn’t follow,
I’d be at the bottom to catch them when they fall.”
Anon

Enter high school, I was still made fun of, still called names, still singled out for being over weight, but I was a little stronger and a wee bit smarter and had my circle of friends and I did my best to ignore it, impossible, but I tried. I even had a boyfriend! Not just any boyfriend, but the hottest guy in school! Elroy, LOVED me! Huh? Me??? FAT, UGLY ME! HE LOVED ME! He never missed a moment to tell me he loved me, to tell me I was beautiful, to treat me better than any man has ever treated me, to this day! Alas, our relationship stirred up a whole new side to my being bullied, he was black and I am Indian, I was bullied by some of the black girls, and someone who I thought was a great friend just walked away… He actually said, “as long as you are with the ‘boy’ I have no use for you”… I was saddened by this, but not because we were no longer friends, but that someone would actually have feelings like that about the most beautiful person I had ever known. Even the Vice Principal of the school tried to ban us from holding hands in the hallways, but the same race couples were left alone. Thankfully the Principal, Mr. Vale, was on our side, he was our supporter and our friend and he put a stop to her right away.

I know you are expecting some horrific ending, like he was using me or something… but he wasn’t… Elroy was truly a wonderful boy who entered my life at the most perfect time. Who gave me the memories every girl should have from high school. I’ll love him till the day I die.

I was really good friends with a boy, a boy who was very effeminate, who was into fashion, who was into art and drama, and who was clearly struggling with his sexuality. And the guys in high school were cruel, the names they called him, the way they would rough him up, I did everything I could, to stop it, to the point I was called “Faggot Lover”. I alone couldn’t stop his being tormented… I’ll forever feel that sense of being lost…

The reason for this post is to tell you, that it’s so important to be a friend, a true friend! My life was saved, truly saved, because I had friends who were by my side, who loved me, who were there for me… Friends who called me by my name Leilah (I went by my first name until I was 24 and switched to Lalita), they called me Lei for short, they called me Fozzie, as in Fozzie Bear, because I was funny… They never called me Tit Wiggle, or fat or butterball, they called me friend.

“The most I can do for my friend is simply be his friend.”
Henry David Thoreau