“To err is human; to forgive, divine.” Alexander Pope

This morning my mom told me this story:

A senior monk and a younger monk were traveling together. At one point, they came to a river with a strong current. As the monks were preparing to cross the river, they saw a very young and beautiful woman also attempting to cross. The young woman asked if they could help her. The senior monk carried this woman on his shoulder, forded the river and let her down on the other bank. The junior monk was very upset, but said nothing.

As they continued on their journey the younger monk was getting more and more agitated, and finally could no longer hold it in and asked, “As monks, we are not permitted to even look at a woman, how could you then carry that woman on your shoulders?” The senior monk replied, “I left the woman a long time ago at the bank, however, you seem to be carrying her still.” 

You see, this morning I realized I did something last night so horrible, and to me, completely inexcusable, it left me crying for most of the day, and unable to forgive myself… Even the beautiful being whom I wronged forgave me immediately with unconditional love and boundless kindness… she knew in her heart that what I did I would NEVER have done on purpose, it was a complete, yet horrific, mistake… but she loves me and forgave me…

Now, why can’t I forgive myself? I hurt someone I love more than anything in this world, she forgave me, but I can’t let it go…

I fell asleep around 9:30pm, and woke about midnight, crying, still holding onto what I had done, but these words were echoing in my heart, words my mom tried to tell me and I shut them out…

“To err is human; to forgive, divine.” Alexander Pope

“To err is human;…”  We all make mistakes, big ones, small ones, those that hurt ones we love, or strangers and those that simply hurt ourselves… I “F” up all the time, everyday! But today’s hurt the one being I love more than anything on this planet, she forgave me instantly, and yet I can’t let it go…

 “… to forgive, divine.” Webster’s Dictionary defines Divine as “Of or belonging to God;” So, do I tap into my divinity to find the forgiveness I should bestow upon myself? 

“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.”
Lewis B. Smedes
 
I guess I need to, as said in a previous blog, step back, watch my life as if it were a movie, separate myself from my ‘self’ and find the courage and compassion to let me accept what I’ve done as a mistake, an error, something soooooo not done on purpose, and forgive myself… It’s a process, but soon I hope I can leave this mistake at the bank of the river and move on…
 
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
 
 (and just something to make you giggle, I found this quote while searching for quotes on forgiveness… I love Emo!)
 
“When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn’t work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.”
Emo Philips
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3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Irina
    Mar 16, 2011 @ 10:32:22

    1. Your mom is brilliant.

    2. You are one of the most loving people I know. If it was me or any other dear friend of yours who’d done wrong, you would have forgiven us right way. It’s time you treat yourself as your best friend. Be kind to yourself. Believe in yourself. Love yourself.

    Reply

  2. Vivek
    Apr 03, 2011 @ 13:22:51

    self forgiveness does take a long time.it’s really not something you can rush. the pain might b with you for a long time, but that’s okay.
    there are lots of things I’m still working a forgiving myself 4. as long as we keep trying, loving and caring, we are on the right path.

    Reply

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